We set the mental perimeters for control. In our minds we
decide if x + y + s = z, then z means we will lose control and cannot be liable
for what happens after that point. Being in control of ourselves is possible in
any circumstance if we accept responsibility for the control equation.
Visualizing a set of occurrences happening in the control
equation allows us to set the z value. For personal pleasure, we may create an
equation that states, vacation + affordable spending + less responsibilities = lessened
control.
Control Equations in Relationships
In a relationship, one person may have more control on what
actions are taken by the persons in the relationship. This is called a
hierarchy relationship. The divisions of power are unequal and one person yields
to the authority of the other.
The divisions of power in a hierarchy relationship give
separate equations for the value of z (loss of control). Hierarchy relationships are based on
compatibility, wherein one dominant will desire control of a yielding
personality type. These relationships are usually best suited for marriage.
Putting it to Work
Giving thought to how we act and interact with others will
prevent the unintentional loss of control.
We can set guidelines for control by understanding the pattern
of thinking that equals our feelings of being in control or yielding to the
control of another person. The simplest way to do this is by retracing a series
of thoughts that led to an action. Knowing the thoughts that led to your action
will allow you to understand what factors permit you to lose control. Once you
have pinpointed the equation, you can change it to best suit you.
What were the thoughts that led me to eat so much chocolate?
I was distracted by the movie I was watching + I didn’t
realize how much I was eating + I started to eat during action scenes = the
loss of my eating control
How can I change my loss of eating control equation?
Placing conscious stops on certain actions prevent a person
from repeatedly committing the same action.
In our example, a conscious stop would be placed on eating
while distracted. The reason for this is to prevent overeating in situations
where a person is not giving as much thought to how much they are eating in a
given setting.
Example: Hierarchy Relationship
What were the thoughts that allowed me to yield to a
dominant partner?
I am a naturally submissive person in marital relationships
+ I feel most comfortable being led by a dominant partner + I want the
stability of a leader in my life = my loss of control to relationship hierarchy
Yielding or dominating in hierarchy relationships can work
to the benefit of the persons involved, nonetheless, clearly defined roles are
necessary. A hierarchy relationship is specifically original to the persons
forming the relationship, however, if two persons do not accept the expected
roles, then the relationship will dissolve.
Projecting Hierarchy Relationship Outcomes
Hierarchy relationships naturally dissolve due to passive
dominance. Passive dominance is sometimes used to acquire a goal. A dominant acting
as the yielder may produce desired results for that dominant, however, their
passivity of dominance will dissolve once that goal is obtained. A yielding
person may choose to act dominant to acquire a goal, as part of obeying their
dominant partner or to obtain a more suitable dominant partner.
Projecting the outcomes of relationships will pinpoint the
right match that meets all the standards needed to achieve ongoing goals and
objectives for any person.
The control equation in a compatible hierarchy relationship
looks something like this:
If he says so, I do + I want to yield + I appreciate his
leadership = loss of control
